The following is the text of the keynote address to the Anguilla Church Women Association at the Biennial Conference held in Anguilla last weekend.
The address was prepared by Attorney-at-Law, Mrs. Joyce Kentish-Egan and delivered by her husband, Mr Noel Egan, with inputs by her son Kyle during the question and answer period.
Delegates from Antigua, St.Kitts, the Windward Islands and Local Delegates….
What is violence?
Violence is a physical force or power threatened, or actual, against a person….often leading to death and injury.
One and a half million people are wiped from this planet Earth of ours every year because of Violent Acts….. 50% are due to suicide, 35% due to homicide and approximately 12% are due to war and conflict….. Add now to this figure the tens of thousands who are hospitalized or need doctor’s treatments and the other millions of cases that are never mentioned or brought to the fore…
It is said that any problem in life will fall into one of three categories…Money, Health or relationships
These three categories do lead to wars, suicide, self-abuse, concentrated poverty, deprivation, work-place conflict, Youth violence, child abuse, intimate partner abuse, sexual assault, psychological harm, bullying in the schools and yes, even abuse of the elderly.
Let us look back at the #1 act of violence for instance…..SUICIDE. Over 800,000 people commit suicide on the planet each year.
In the last few years there have been several cases of suicide even here in the beautiful Island of Anguilla. Why then do people commit suicide in paradise?
Invariably it is one of the following:
Despair, depression, stress, drug abuse, financial difficulties, inter-personal relationships….
Can they be prevented?
Ladies and gentlemen, Burdens and Oppositions will always be there…..in the home….in THE FAMILY.
Let’s look at the # 2 Act of violence….Homicide.
This act is of grave concern in our beautiful Caribbean Islands. It has manifested itself as domestic violence between marital and common-law spouses, then there is the drug and gang culture that is sweeping throughout the Caribbean tearing our families and wider communities apart.
Why are our children in the cases of drug and gun violence turning away from the Family of God and the Domestic Family and turning to the family with the mafia style connections?
These are palpable indications of the Primary families falling apart.
So how can we help to Prevent Violence as a Family? One can see that ultimately, it is the family members who become affected by these acts of Violence…
So how can we prevent violence in the way we conduct ourselves in ‘The Primary family’?
Let us first address the Family…..
Is there such a thing as the ‘PERFECT FAMILY?’
Surely the answer to this is No! That every Family is unique and different…we all have different weaknesses and different strengths.
Sociology tells us that the ‘Family’ is (quote)” A primary Social Group consisting of a Parent or Parents, their children whether biological or non biological”
Life Sciences tells us that a ‘Family’ is (quote) “A Group of Organisms of the same Species living together in a community”
Are we not a combination of both?
Interestingly, the word ‘Family’ occurs only one time in the New Testament in Ephesians 3:15 in which Paul refers to God’s family and not our individual families….
It is God’s will that we live in peace and harmony…so, where does the Church stand in laying God’s foundation for fostering harmonious living in the family?
Where do we as the family stand in helping foster harmonious living within the family home?……and thus helping to prevent violence?
Let us return to the Bible for one moment….
There are several instances in which it appears that Jesus promotes the ‘Family of God’ first and above that of the ‘domestic family’….
Take for instance Matthew 12:46 to 12:50. When Jesus was talking to the multitudes, he was informed that his Mother and brothers stood outside and were seeking to speak with him….. His response was “Who is My Mother and who are My brothers?” He stretched out His hands and said, “Here are My Mother and My brothers! For whosoever does the will of my Father in heaven is My brother and sister and Mother.”
What I am saying today, is that the ‘family’ as we know and understand it, is of course the conduit to preventing violence…but spiritually, the Church must look at the levels of violence that exist in our communities and our countries and our world and endeavor to raise the awareness of God’s word in our Governments, our communities, our schools and most importantly our families in preventing violence….and in a manner that will not simply turn people away from the church!
Education! ……
Of course there are those families that are already highly educated and who seek to foster harmonious relations in the family…..but ask yourself these questions…..
Do we really promote and develop, care and cherish our family to the point that we speak to our children about violent acts….bullying in the school, for instance? Do we speak of the psychological scars that bullying can instill in a child and that will remain in that person for the rest of his or her life?
Can we really say that we take time…relentless time, over and over, to speak to the drug addict or the alcoholic and persevere to help him or her with words of encouragement and love? How often do we give up? How often have we, when the chips are down, simply turned our backs on the problem instead of seeking help….and yes, spiritual help from within the bigger family of God for instance?
How often has the housewife seen signs of change in the husband coming home that suggest everything is not ok and then sat quietly by as he struggles with burdens unknown to her of financial ruin that he believes he cannot share because she may think less of him…..Then the next week comes the phone call that says he has taken his life?
And what about the little girl that claims “Uncle Jimmy touched me!” and then seeks solace in a mother too scared to act.
Why do we wait for a problem to manifest itself within the family before we choose to speak of it….by which time, people are already hot-headed or have formed an attitude of rebellion and subsequently, violence ensues before the matter is brought under control?
Fostering …raising …promoting and developing a harmonious living will prevent violence……but what is the key to this success? ….
DIALOGUE………..TALKING!!!……….Positive education and awareness!
When we speak of the causes of violence, we begin to understand why violence exists!
Let me ask you this……When is the last time you sat down and talked with you Vicar, or Bishop?…when is the last time you spoke with your neighbour or even your Government Minister? When is the last time you spoke with your child’s teacher ….and I do not mean those occasions once a term when you may feel it is more a burden to go to the school at 5pm because you only finished work at 4pm!….when?…when?
When is the last time you spoke with your husband or wife or girlfriend, boyfriend, son, daughter, brother or sister?….When?
Didn’t God put His Son Jesus into the World to SPEAK his word?
What is Dialogue? ……
It is an exchange of ideas or opinions on a particular issue, especially a political or religious issue, with a view to reaching an amicable agreement or settlement.
Take for instance another part of Britain..Let us look at Northern Ireland, once a country plagued with a bitter inter-communal violence based upon religious belief that too manifested itself into drug and other related crimes. ….between the years of 1969 and 1998 over 3,250 were killed via a series of bombings and shootings. In the family, Young girls were tarred and brutally beaten just for dating members of the opposite religion; young men were often kneecapped with hammers. In 2005 the IRA formally ended its conflict with Britain. The Peace process had started in 1998 but most importantly, dialogue was the only way that the conflict could ever cease!
Many people believed that here was one conflict that could NEVER end through dialogue….and yet, here we are today with the City of Belfast proudly entitled Britain’s # 1 City of Commercial growth and a booming new tourism industry!
Ladies and Gentlemen I urge you to encourage greater dialogue from the Church to its congregations and form action community groups to reach out to our youth who have chosen to leave the fold and bring them back, through love and compassion and understanding.
We need to speak more, find that time to speak; speak with your church…….speak with your family. Never say never to any problem…..It is only through the ability to speak with your child, whether he or she is 4 years old, 14 years old or 24 years old, speak with your husband or wife whether he or she is 26 years old or 66 years old that you can truly foster a harmonious living that by extension can help prevent violence.
….and remember that very important word within the description of dialogue…..Amicable!
Ladies and Gentlemen, to Foster a Harmonious Living in the Family and help to prevent all of the violence…..
Let us all look to God for the ability to Talk more amongst one another.
Joyce Kentish-Egan 19th April 2013
