Have you ever said something you later regretted saying? Of course, you have. Everybody has. Have you ever had words spoken to you that you wished had not been said? Of course, you have. Everybody has had that experience. Have you ever felt embarrassed by the words you speak? Of course, all of us have at some point in our life. Do you usually pause to think before you speak to consider your words? Sometimes we do and sometimes we do not. Has anyone ever cautioned you to think before you speak? Maybe they did, and maybe they did not. What does think before you speak mean and why it is important?
The phrase “think before you speak” refers to the practice of considering our words before we say them. You may be wondering, why is it important for us to always think before we speak. You see, it is so easy to blurt out something, only to realize after the words were spoken how inappropriate, insensitive, or destructive they were.
Unfortunately, there are no “do overs” when it comes to conversations. Once words exit our mouths, no number of apologies will magically erase them, and trying to retract them is like shutting the gate after the horse has bolted. Once we have said something, it is gone, it is out there. We cannot take them back, no matter how much we would like to. We also need to bear in mind that careless words can ruin relationships and harm lives and get us into all sorts of trouble. Therefore, this is noteworthy for all of us. Let us learn from other people’s mistakes.
Words define our identity and reveal our attitudes and sensitivities, reflecting who we are. Our choice of words also gives listeners an indication of our intelligence or ignorance. And when continually reinforced and turned into habitually negative thought patterns, they have the power to create a bad habit of dwelling on the negatives in life. Hence, thinking before we speak allows us the time to consider the effect of the words we are choosing.
Therefore, it is always wise to think before we speak, as words have incredible power for good or ill. If spoken without consideration, we can do serious damage to ourselves and others. Some people have the tendency to just say what is on their minds as soon as the thought enters their heads, but that is not good. It is always wise to take just a few seconds before speaking to assess our thoughts, our mood, and our audience. It can also go a long way in improving our relationships, as well as our own personal growth.
So, thinking before we speak is an important skill to master. A great tool that can help to train ourselves to think before we speak is the THINK acronym. Use your five fingers to help you remember them. Ask yourself. Is it True? Is it Helpful? Is it Inspiring? Is it Necessary? And is it Kind? By asking ourselves these questions, they can help us to improve our relationships and enable us to express ourselves effectively and in credible ways.
It is important before we speak also, to ask ourselves the following:
1. Do I have all the facts? Probably most people can recall a time when they got upset with someone about something that was supposedly said or done, only to find out later that the situation was nothing like they had originally surmised.
2. Are my words helpful? Of course, even if what you are thinking of saying is correct, that does not mean it needs to be said.
3. Are my words gentle and kind? Another person may need to hear what you have to say but bludgeoning him or her with criticism would not get your message across.
4. Is it my place to speak? Often, we take it upon ourselves to speak up about a problem when really someone else should be passing on those concerns.
5. Are these words timed correctly? Wise King Solomon said that a word spoken “in season” is good. It is possible to say something very appropriate, yet at the wrong time. Timing is very important. If there is little chance your words will be heard and received, it is worth waiting for a better time to talk.
You see, it is not about saying whatsoever we want because we think we have freedom of speech. It is about controlling our tongue and taking responsibility for what emerges from our mouths. We must be prepared to think before we speak, say what we mean, stand behind our statements and be responsible for them. That is why the Bible describes an uncontrolled tongue as an “unruly evil, full of deadly poison,” comparing its destructive power to a forest fire in James 3:5 to 8.
The old folks had some sayings that we need to heed, there is much wisdom in those words – “It is not everything you need to say,” and “A still tongue keeps a wise head.” Those sayings are very relevant today, perhaps now much more than ever before, especially with everyone having and using social media.
Thinking before you speak is also important when writing or recording anything, video, or audio, and posting them. Sometimes we do this either as an original message or in response to what someone has said or what is dominating discussion in the media. We act spontaneously without thinking about the impact and consequences of our actions. Let us not use words loosely or take words lightly.
We need to understand that words are powerful, and we have no control over our words, written or spoken once we have communicated them. Any word we have communicated is no longer our property and no longer under our control. Apologies do not delete them from the public domain or from people’s memories. This is the reason why we need to be careful. Proverbs 29:20 states, “There is more hope for a fool than for someone who speaks without thinking”.
Remember: You are responsible for everything you tweet and retweet. Life is not about just talking, it is about thinking too. Choose your words wisely; put your brain in gear before you put your mouth into action. There is a difference between speaking the truth in love and judging someone hypocritically. So, make sure you know the difference before you speak!
About the Author: Mrs. Marilyn Hodge owns and operates the Wellness Centre in the Farrington, Anguilla. The Centre offers Counselling Services by Appointment Only and has now published Positive Living Volumes 1 through 3. Coming Soon – Volume 4. Contact information: 476-3517 or email: marilynb@anguillanet.com. www.facebook.com/axawellnesscentre
