Why is the country like this? Why do our people have difficulty uniting? It is because of divisiveness. It is on the rise. It is pervading the land. It is like acancer eating away at our society. It is causing havoc in the lives of people. Do you notice it? Do you feel it? Are you participating in it? Are you concerned about it? Are you willing to do something about it? Well now more than ever, we must be aware of the consequences of our divisive words and actions and get rid of them before they destroy us as a people.
Divisiveness is tearing down and destroying our communities and country. The word Divisiveness means, “a tendency to cause disagreement or hostility between people: creating disunity or dissension.” It entails words or actions that cause real separation or feelings of separation. This often can lead to hostility. It is a ‘me versus you’ attitude or an ‘us against them’ mindset. When we are unwilling to learn, unwilling to listen and unwilling to be wrong, we just increase this massive gulf of ‘me versus you’ and ‘us against them’ and the result is, we are allowing our egos and defensiveness to run our society instead of compassion and understanding.
The judgments we make about each other, and the consequences of those judgments on our emotions and relationships are extremely impactful. Why do we judge? The root of all judgment comes from one place and one place alone: Ego. When we see someone behaving in a way that we disagree with, we think, “I would never act like that! I am better than that. I am more righteous; or I am smarter.” We become judgmental. We look down on others as though we are morally superior to them. Putting someone else down makes us temporarily feel better about ourselves.
This judgmental tendency is a root cause of divisiveness among people which manifests in problems at many levels in our lives: fractured families, fractured relationships, and personnel problems in organizations, just to list a few, and the rising political polarization in our country today is a sign that our divisions are deepening. This is something that we need to address both individually and collectively as a people. When we use information about what a person does, or what a person has, with it, we mistakenly infer something about who a person is at their core — their true self. From this conclusion about a person’s true nature, we feel entitled to make decisions about whether that person is deserving of fair treatment and respect.
Although it is possible to objectively judge who a person is and the person’s physical form and function, that is, the observable parts of what or who a person is, it is impossible to judge the intrinsic goodness and worthiness of a person. Hence, arriving at a conclusion about a person’s true nature, is to perpetuate a myth of who the person truly is. We never can know what the mind or intention of a person truly is because we are not God. We are not all knowing. God is. He alone sees and knows the contents of man’s heart.
We like to jump to conclusions. We tend to assume that people’s behaviour reflects their enduring personality traits, without always giving enough weight to the impact of external factors, such as the situation they happen to be in at that moment. At times, we like to jump to conclusions without knowing the facts. For example, we might believe that a grumpy store clerk is just an unfriendly person, when he or she has just dealt with a slew of rude customers and is worried about a sick child at home. We may have happened to catch him or her on a difficult day, but we do not realize that—we are basing our judgment on the limited information we have observed.
At times too, we rely on negative stereotypes. That is, we are interpreting someone’s behaviour through the lens of a negative stereotype, and this can lead to us forming harsh judgments on others. At other times, we rationalize mistreating others. When we are judging someone, we have hurt in some way, we should be especially suspicious of our motives. This is because we do not just treat people a certain way because of how we feel about them, we also sometimes feel a certain way about people because of how we have treated them.
Research on cognitive dissonance suggests that we hate it when our behaviour is inconsistent with our attitudes, but instead of rectifying this dissonance by changing our behaviour, for example, by being kinder, we often instead do mental gymnastics to rationalize it. If we have hurt someone, it may make us feel more morally consistent if we convince ourselves that they somehow deserved it.
Casting judgment on others is wrong because it can be harmful and hurtful. It can lead to negative feelings and emotions such as anger, resentment, and bitterness. It can also lead to misunderstandings and misinterpretations of people’s actions and intentions. Instead of judging others, it is better to try to understand them and their perspectives. This can help build empathy and compassion towards others.
It does not feel good to be judged. If we know it hurts when it is done to us, why do we continue to judge other people in the same way? The next time you are judging or criticizing others, ask yourself, how would you feel if you were constantly judged? How would you like others to treat you? What do I know about this person? Am I being fair? When you hear yourself criticizing someone, take a step back and ask yourself, do I see these traits in myself? Do I exhibit the same behaviour? This is what is often called, a pattern interruption, which is a technique to change a particular thought, behaviour, or situation.
Try to open the door of your heart to expand your awareness and self-acceptance. Make people feel better about themselves because of you. We all have a story. You never know when you might find yourself walking in the very shoes of a person you have judged.
The Bible has several verses that relate to divisiveness. Here are some of them:
Romans 12:18, “Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone.”
Romans 16:17, “I appeal to you, brothers, to watch out for those who cause divisions…”
James 3:16, “For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice.”
Mark 3:25,”If a house is divided against itself, that house cannot stand.”
Divisiveness is a severe problem. A divisive person is deadly. When a church or a nation has divisive persons, the very life of its’ existence is threatened. A divisive person always carries a church or nation through one of its most traumatic experiences because that divisive person usually gathers others around him or her into a clique of opposition. That is the reason the Bible admonishes us to watch out for those who causes division because the goal is to cause conflict. So, be on the alert and watch out for those people.
Remember the words of John C. Danforth: The loudest voices we usually hear are those who advocate conflict, and divisiveness.
About the Author: Mrs. Marilyn Hodge owns and operates the Wellness Centre in the Farrington, Anguilla. The Centre offers Counselling Services by Appointment Only and has now published Positive Living Volume 3. Contact information: 476-3517 or email: marilynb@anguillanet.com. www.facebook.com/axawellnesscentre
