Why don’t you love me? Why don’t you love me anymore? Have you ever asked anyone those questions? What was your reason for asking? Why was their love important to you? Likewise, has your spouse or partner, parents, or children ever asked you any of those questions: Do you love me? Why don’t you love me? Why don’t you love me anymore? Why did they ask you those questions? How did those questions make you feel? What was your response to those questions?
Have you ever wondered why do people often ask those questions and why is the answer so important to them? What is it those people are wanting from the other person? One of the reasons why some people ask those questions is that they want that special person in their life to make them feel better by validating their worth and verifying that their relationship with them is securely intact.
Why is love important to people? Why do people want to feel loved? The need for affection solidifies a desire to know if a person is compatible with another human being, even if the relationship is on the friendship or familial level. It creates a sense of harmony in a relationship, especially when it is an intimate one. All of us have an intense desire to be loved and nurtured. The need to be loved could be considered one of our most basic and fundamental needs. One of the forms that this need takes is contact comfort – the desire to be held and touched. Given the importance of the need to be loved, it is not surprising that most of us believe that a significant determinant of our happiness is whether we feel loved and cared for.
Our innate desire is to find others to want us and to be accepted. That is why feeling loved is just so great. It is in our DNA for our species to survive. The trouble is that when we do not feel loved, it affects us more than anything else. In our pursuit of the need to be loved, however, most of us fail to recognize that we have a parallel need: the need to love and care for others. This desire is just as strong as the need to be loved and nurtured. The desire to love and care for others is hard-wired and deep-seated because the fulfillment of this desire enhances our happiness levels. Expressing love or compassion for others benefits not just the recipient of affection, but also the person who delivers it.
Jesus too is asking these questions of you today. Do you love me? Why don’t you love me? Why don’t you love me anymore? What have I done to you? What have I not done for you? What is it that you are wanting from me? Is it because I have not given you the things you desire or asked me for? What is your response to each of those questions? Why do you think your answers or response is important to Him?
In St. Johns 21, Jesus asked the same question to one of his disciples not once but three times. Jesus questioned Peter about his love for Him. He said to Simon Peter, “Do you love me?” “Simon son of John, do you truly love me more than these?” Jesus emphasized the importance of Peter’s love and unswerving obedience to Him as necessary for his future ministry. Each time Peter answered in the affirmative, Jesus followed up with the command for Peter to feed His sheep. Instead of returning to a life of fishing, Jesus was reminding Peter that he was a “fisher of men.”
His meaning is that, if Peter truly loves his Master, he is to shepherd and care for those who belong to Him. His words revealed Peter’s role as the leader of the new Church, the Body of Christ there in Jerusalem that will be responsible for spreading the gospel after His ascension into heaven. It is possible that by His repeated question – Do you love me? Jesus was subtly reminding Peter of his three denials. There is no doubt those denials and how he felt when Jesus turned to look at him at that moment, were seared deeply into Peter’s mind.
It seemed that Jesus was trying to get Peter to understand that he must love Him unconditionally to be the leader God was calling him to be. Whatever the reason for the three-fold “do you love me?” question, Jesus was impressing on Peter how important his new role of tending the flock of Christ’s followers would be. Jesus wanted to make sure Peter understood this vital charge He was tasking him with and the ultimate reason for it, to follow Him and glorify God.
Jesus’ question to us – “Do you love me?” also beckons a response. What is your response today? What will your answer be? It is not enough for us or for you to say Jesus loves me, the Bible tells me so, but what does it mean for us to answer that same question if Jesus were to ask us? What would you say if Jesus was to ask you that question? When Jesus asked Peter “Do you love Me?” he said to Him, “Lord, “You know all things; You know that I love You.” It was followed by a command – “Tend My sheep”, Peter was given a task, he had a responsibility, he had a duty to perform.
You see my friends; love must move us to action. Love is a decision from which our emotions follow. Love is a decision to pursue a relationship. Jesus summarizes the whole of the Old Testament, the Law, and the Prophets, by saying, “The most important is, ‘Hear O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. And you shall love the Lord you God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. The second is this, you shall love your neighbor as yourself. There is no commandment greater than these (Mark 12:30-31). So, if you truly love Him, what will you do with that love? Will your love for Him move you to action?
Our love for God must be backed by action not only towards ourselves but to our neighbours as well. What will be your action today? That was the reason why Jesus said, how can you say you love me, and you do not love those around you who you can see. Love is the mark of a true believer. Love is also the driving, compelling force that motivates Christian service. Peter’s failure highlights the biblical truth that obedience is the essential evidence of genuine love. So, the question for you today is: What will you do for Him who you claim you love and love so much?
Remember: Unconditional love is a powerful force. The only way love can last a lifetime is if it is unconditional. The truth is this: love is not determined by the one being loved but rather by the one choosing to love.
About the Author: Mrs. Marilyn Hodge owns and operates the Wellness Centre in the Farrington, Anguilla. The Centre offers Counselling Services by Appointment Only and has now published Positive Living Volume 3. Contact information: 476-3517 or email: marilynb@anguillanet.com. www.facebook.com/axawellnesscentre
