Tuesday, 10th March 2020 (Somewhere on Anguilla) — Last night was a full moon. I don’t always sleep soundly during these full-moon nights. The moon’s gravitational pull, the ebbs and tides of its monthly cycle, have an impact on our human psyche and bodies. During the three days of the fullest moons each month — the day before, the day of and the day after, we observe the brightness of the moon and its gravitational energy exerted upon everything on this planet. Sometimes we are kept wide awake or in deep slumber with intensely interesting dreams.
Life for me is like that with tides of change, periods of stagnation and moments of feeling like I am wandering through the wilderness. As I continue to explore life, and all that it has to offer, I am learning how to become a more conscious co-creator of the kind of life that I want – not what anyone else desires for me. It is at times challenging to design a life we love because of various factors — commitments to family, to jobs or businesses we own, to friends, to community, to church and so on. Yet, designing our lives is what I believe the Creator guides us to bring forth.
After my father’s death in September 2017, I was determined to create a sustainable source of income to support myself and to re-engage in my island lifestyle determining the course of my life’s destination. I faced many challenges. Number one was securing a means of earning money. My goal was to be gainfully employed and to perform freelance work. I tried unsuccessfully to be hired by local companies or government although I applied – as well as interviewed for several positions. That was not my divine destiny. By the grace of God, I have accomplished this aim, but not as I imagined it would be.
Number two is an ongoing matter which involves family affairs. It revolves around the care of my aging mother, and how best my siblings and I can provide for our one surviving parent in her elder years. Many of us who have dealt, or are dealing, with such circumstances understand how much energy, effort, coordination, etc. are needed to provide for the elderly – and in being caregivers.
Sometimes we have to take measures to ensure our own wellness, and not allow ourselves to be pulled into the agendas that our families, friends or others have designed for us. It takes courage to say no to what someone else wants us to do, especially when that individual is a parent, supervisor or even a dear friend. One of my biggest life lessons has been just that, saying I am unable to comply with another person’s request, need, want or desire.
I have been fortunate enough to design the kind of life that I love living in the Caribbean. It has taken a great amount of determination, patience and perseverance to realise this dream. Faith has played a significant role in my managing to hold on to this aspiration. Without my strong belief in the Most-High, and listening to Dad’s wisdom that he shared with me over the years when he was alive, I might not have reached this far. There were times when I held onto my vision of what I desired to create, yet had no idea of how it would manifest. Earlier last year, at one point when I was ready to give up, I clearly heard my daddy’s voice telling me, “Don’t give up!” Whether those words were real or imagined, they kept me holding on and moving forward.
During this Lenten season, we’re encouraged to review our lives and to determine whether or not we are designing a life that we love. If not, then meditate on whatever it is we want to change, improve, release and achieve. My resolution for this year of 2020, as well as for Lent, is to let go of unmoving personal relationships that are no longer in alignment with where I am presently. As well, I resolved to resonate boldly with the love and light of God reflected in me. Being true to my authentic self means that some people won’t like who I am or have become. Let’s all shine our lights brightly and be in the flow of life!
Kay M Ferguson is a conscious writer, who writes under the nom de plume Empress Extraordinaire, composing words to enlighten and uplift humanity. Connect with her on social media—Facebook and LinkedIn or email anguillawriter@gmail.com.
