Are you one of those fathers desirous of becoming a better dad? Well, you are not alone. There are many fathers who have that same desire. They truly want to be a better father to their children and their families. There are many fathers today who are tormented by the questions: Where did I go wrong? What am I doing that I should not be doing? What is preventing me from being a better father to my children? The truth is, there are many factors that hinder some fathers from being a better dad, but the time has come for fathers to push forward and fulfil their parenting responsibilities to their children.
Being a good father is not easy, but there are some basic principles that can help you to perform your role as a father. Many fathers have found that they and their families benefit when they follow the words of wisdom found in the Bible. So here are a few of them that you can follow:
1. KNOW WHERE YOU ARE HEADED. Most of us plan our careers, our new homes, and even our vacations, but we never take the time to plan our life. As a result, we often end up with poor health, failed relationships, and broken families. It does not have to be this way. Begin to live your life, on purpose, by taking the time to get clear about where you are going in life.
2. KNOW YOUR PRIORITIES. Your priorities become clear once you know where you are headed in life. By keeping things simple you will be able to focus on the few things that really matter to you. Your children’s welfare should be your priority. 1 Timothy 5:8 8 states: “If any provide not for his own and especially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.”
3. SEEK THE ADVICE OF OTHER MEN. Most men do not tell anyone what they want, or what they are struggling with, so they lack an outside perspective. When we do this, we miss out on the experience of others. Take the time to listen and learn from other men who have been where you are, and have experienced what you are experiencing.
4. KNOW THAT YOUR JOB IS NOT YOUR IDENTITY. You are a Father first and foremost. Your job is what you do to pay the bills and take care of responsibilities. It does not define who you are. So never make the mistake of putting your job first, or denying your obligation to your children.
5. KNOW WHEN TO SAY “NO”. Once you have said “yes” to your priorities in life, you are in a great position to say “no” to the things that matter less. You will have the clarity to manage your priorities rather than to be managed by them. Learn to say “no” to the good, so that you can say “yes” to the best.
6. HAVE A SUPPORT NETWORK. Very few people (if any) achieve anything great alone. Sports stars have teammates, coaches, and cheerleaders. You should too. Be willing to ask the people in your life to support you. It is great to have the help – the encouragement and the fellowship of others who want you to be the best person that you can be. It makes all the difference in the world.
7. MAKE TIME FOR YOUR CHILDREN AND YOUR FAMILY. Carve out regular quality time for your family. Show your children that they are important to you. They deserve your time, your wisdom and your energy. If you do not spend significant amounts of time with your children, they might conclude that you care more for other things, such as your job, your friends, or your hobbies, than you do for them. In biblical times, men were personally involved in the education of their children. Fathers were encouraged to spend time with their children on a regular basis. Deuteronomy 6:6-7 states, “And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart: And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.”
8. BE A GOOD COMMUNICATOR. Avoid judging or criticizing. A common barrier for effective communication is jumping in with judgments or criticisms. When you do this, your children will put up walls and will be hesitant to talk to you. Instead of judging or criticizing, ask more questions that help you better understand their perspectives.
9. GIVE LOVING DISCIPLINE AND COMMENDATION. Even when you feel frustrated or angry, the discipline you administer should be an expression of loving concern for the long-term welfare of your child. It includes advice, correction, education, and chastisement when needed. Discipline is much more effective when a father commends his children regularly. Commendation enriches a child’s character. Children blossom when they are acknowledged and appreciated. A father who looks for opportunities to give commendation will help to build confidence in his children and motivate them not to give up trying to do what is right. It is wise for fathers to heed the words found in Colossians 3:21 – “Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.”
10. LOVE AND RESPECT YOUR CHILDREN’S MOTHER. The way a father exercises his role is certain to affect children. One of the best things a father can do for his children is to respect their mother. A father and mother who respect each other, and let their children know it, provide a secure environment for them.
11. APPLY GOD’S PRACTICAL WISDOM. Fathers who have heartfelt love for God can give their children a most precious heritage – an intimate relationship with their heavenly Father. It is important that you teach your children to love God and show God respect.
12. BE A ROLE MODEL AND PRACTICE WHAT YOU PREACH. Do not expect your children to follow your advice if your own behaviour goes against it. Hold yourself accountable for meeting the same standards that you set for your children.
13. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. Remember that to take good care of your family, you must take care of yourself. So, implement positive lifestyle choices that support your health and well-being.
Remember: Every dad, if he takes time out of his busy life to reflect upon his fatherhood, can learn ways to become an even better dad.
About the Author: Mrs. Marilyn Hodge owns and operates the Wellness Centre in the Farrington, Anguilla. The Centre offers Counselling Services by Appointment Only and has now published Positive Living Volume 2. Contact information: 476-3517 or email:marilynb@anguillanet.com. www.facebook.com/axawellnesscentre
