Do you know that the stories in the Bible are not just some meaningless myths of the past? But, rather are narratives about historical people, places, and events, from which we can all learn some valuable lessons. Well, there are lots of stories about women in the Bible that we can learn from. One of those stories is about a young woman named Tamar. She was the daughter of King David and Maacah, and sister of Absalom.
You see, David had a number of wives, but one of the most high-ranking of them was Maacah, the daughter of King Talmai of the neighboring kingdom of Geshur. Maacah and David had two children, both of them extraordinarily good-looking. The first was her son Absalom, a favorite of his father, the other her daughter Tamar, whose looks stood out even in this family of beautiful children. When Tamar reached puberty her half-brother Amnon, David’s eldest son, developed an unnatural obsession with his young half-sister. He watched her, he waited in places where she passed, he could not get enough of her presence and, above all, he wanted to possess her. He lusted for her, and when she would not yield, he raped her. Her life was truly ruined, and she never recovered.
King David, her father, did not punish his son Amnon for what he did to Tamar, despite pleas from Tamar’s mother. So when Tamar’s full-brother, Absalom, learned of the horrible deed he was outraged because he had expected his father to avenge the wicked act, but David did nothing. This greatly angered Absalom. So he sought ways to seek revenge. He just would not be denied justice. So, seething all the while, he laid a plot to seek revenge. Absalom waited two long years, and then avenged Tamar by sending his servants to murder his drunken brother Amnon at a feast, to which he, Absalom, had invited all the king’s sons. What disgrace! What heartache it caused the house of David.
You see, this story has a lot to teach all of us – men, women, mothers, fathers, sons, daughters and society in general. Abuse against women and children is a crime and it is wrong. It should never be ignored or taken lightly no matter who commits the crime. No one has the right to abuse anyone. Inter-personal violence against perceived or weaker partners is a widespread phenomenon and must be condemned. Sexual violence is a profoundly negative and traumatic life event with widespread psychological and sociological effects on the victim, irrespective of his/her gender. Therefore, every effort should be made to deal with this scourge.
You see, it would appear that Amnon, Tamar’s half-brother, was not used to being refused something he wanted. He must have discussed his obsession with a friend of his, a clever cousin called Jonadab, because this young man came up with a plan. They would lure Tamar into Amnon’s room on the pretext that her half-brother was ill, and once they were alone there, Amnon could have what he wanted. Since David did nothing to remedy the wrong, people around Tamar were powerless to help the girl. Once she had been violated, she was now a shamed woman. If she was no longer a virgin, no one would want her; no one would marry her, even if she was a king’s daughter.
Amnon did not just steal her virginity. He stole her very life. Tamar was raped, humiliated, and disgraced by her own half-brother and then betrayed by her father. Like many a victim of crime, she gradually became invisible, the crime ignored, not spoken of. But her brother Absalom was not so accommodating. He could not force Amnon to marry the devastated Tamar, but he would take his revenge. But revenge was not the answer to the problem. What do you think Absalom should have done? Do you think things could have been different if David would have handled it differently? Have you ever handled a situation poorly, or looked the other way in a situation that you needed to act upon? As a parent, what can you learn from David’s example in this story? What can happen to our children if we ignore their bad behaviour? What is the role of parents in regard to helping their children learn to take responsibility for their actions? What situations, like Tamar’s, are being swept under the rug in our society? What lessons therefore can we learn from Tamar’s story?
Here are a few of those lessons:
1. Pay attention to those around you. If you see a sister or child who is struggling in this area you must rise to help them. They are all around us. They are in our homes and families, they are in our workplaces, they are in our neighbourhoods, and they are definitely in our churches and schools. They walk pass us every day with their heads bowed. They are silent or they are loud through their actions. You can see it in their demeanor – you can see it even in how they carry themselves.
2. Do not live wasted lives. There are countless women out there, like Tamar, who have been abused and mistreated. They are living desolate and wasted lives because of it, and you can do something about it. God does not want His daughters, regardless of what they have been through, to waste their lives. He did not call us to live desolate lives. When women do not understand who they are in Christ or if we do not understand who we are in Christ, we will live desolate lives. God has offered us life through his son Jesus.
3. When we indulge ourselves, it ALWAYS hurts innocent people. If we truly wish to not hurt others, then we must also pay attention to our actions, for just as Amnon’s passion condemned Tamar to a life of shame, every time we indulge ourselves, we risk hurting those we love.
We do not know if Tamar ever recovered from her trauma, but you can, if you have been violated. You can seek help from trained professionals, as well as saturating yourself in God’s Word. God wants to restore you and make you whole again. God wants you to know you are valuable to Him, that you are fearfully and wonderfully made. With adequate support and care, a person who has experienced the broken trust and personal violation of sexual abuse can be restored to a place of knowing his or her identity as a treasured child of the heavenly Father.
If you long for a better ending of Tamar’s story, let us look for opportunities to help people in our communities. We are called to do the work of justice, to speak up for those who cannot, and be God’s hands and feet to help people in their healing process by pointing them to Christ! Who will pray for our women and children in our community and stand by their sides when they scream for justice? Our Tamar could be our daughter, our granddaughter, our sister, our niece, or our mother, a relative or a friend or neighbor. May we respond to every Tamar we meet with love and justice.
Remember: Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere. We must be our brother’s and sister’s keeper. Justice will not be served until those who are unaffected are as outraged as those who are. There can be no deep disappointment where there is not deep love. Never forget that justice is what love looks like in public.
About the Author: Mrs. Marilyn Hodge owns and operates the Wellness Centre in the Farrington, Anguilla. The Centre offers Counselling Services by Appointment Only and has now published Positive Living Volume 2. Contact information: 476-3517 or email: marilynb@anguillanet.com. www.facebook.com/axawellnesscentre
