Forgiveness means different things to different people. Everybody has been given and yet many people find it difficult to forgive. This article addresses various aspects of forgiveness including different meanings of forgiveness, the many myths of forgiveness, biblical perspectives on forgiveness, suggestions on how to forgive and the benefits of forgiveness.
Forgiveness can be tough, but some people are more easy to forgive than others. That being said, forgiveness is not a feeling, it is a decision. Forgiveness is acknowledging that an offense has been committed against you, and then choosing to let go of resentment you may feel towards the person or persons who hurt you. Forgiveness is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself. One author noted that, “To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.” Mahatma Gandhi opined that, “The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.” It is said that the ability to forgive is one of man’s greatest achievements. Nelson Mandela who was imprisoned for over 27 years left us a legacy of love and forgiveness. When he was released from prison, he refused to hold on to anger and resentment towards his oppressors. He said that as he walked to his freedom from prison, if he did not leave his bitterness and hatred behind, he would still be imprisoned.
It is reported that holding on to anger, resentment, and hostility are linked to poorer physical and mental health. The dangers of unforgiveness are numerous and can lead to severe health problems. Your stress level hormones can be elevated, resulting in high blood pressure, immune system issues and weight gain. Additionally, holding on to grudges and bitterness can bring about psychological consequences such as anxiety and depression. On the other hand, forgiveness can lead to lower blood pressure, cholesterol and heart attack risks, and contribute better sleep. Forgiveness also helps you to regulate your stress responses and reduce your overall levels of anxiety and depression. Forgiveness can improve your spiritual well-being and relationships with others, and overall forgiveness will make your life happier and more purposeful.
So what can the Bible teach us about forgiveness? Forgiveness is one of the most important principles that the Bible refers to. The Lord’s Prayer says “Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.” And Jesus’ words from the cross: “Father, forgive them because they know not what they do”; Jesus’ instructions to his disciples that they must forgive 70 times seven. We are also commanded to forgive others because Christ died on the cross to forgive us of our sins. There are many powerful demonstrations of forgiveness in the Bible. One notable example is Joseph’s forgiveness of his brother who first threw him in a pit and then they sold him as a slave. Joseph ended up in Egypt and became the Prince of that country. His brothers visited Egypt in search of food because there was a famine in Palestine. To the brothers’ surprise they found out that Joseph, the one who would end up with the power and authority to bless them, is the same person they used their power to destroy. Joseph told them, “You meant it for evil, but God made it good to save lives.” Life has a way of fulfilling our divine purpose, but most times unforgiveness keeps us from focusing on the offences and not on the big picture.
There are a lot of misunderstandings and myths about forgiveness that prevent people from forgiving. Persons think that they are weak if they forgive and the other person wins. Some people say that they do not have to forgive because they do not want to see the person again. Forgiveness is not reconciliation. It is you who is holding the upset and forgiveness is for you. Another myth of forgiveness is that if I forgive, that person will hurt me again. This may be true, but you can forgive and set limits to take care of yourself going forward. Some persons have the view that if I forgive I am condoning the offense. This again is not true. Condoning is accepting. You are not accepting what happened to you. You are letting go of the hurt and betrayal that happened to you. They do not deserve it is another myth, and it may be true. However, forgiveness is for you and not them, so let it go for you. Before I forgive, I need an apology, is another myth, but one begs the question, what if the other person never apologizes? You then will be carrying that bitterness for many years affecting your whole life negatively.
It is said that many people want to forgive but they do not know how to do it. However, a major step is recognizing the importance of forgiveness and how it can improve your entire life. Reflect on the times you hurt others and on those who have forgiven you. Move away from your role as the victim and release the control and power the offending person and situation have had in your life. We are also commanded to pray for, and ask God to bless, our enemies and those persons who hurt us. Additionally, we are encouraged to speak well of the persons who offended us and not curse them. We can only overcome evil by doing good. If you do not forgive, you can be also blocking your blessings and missing out on the abundant life that is in store for you.
Forgiveness can be challenging because it is our human nature to get back at those persons who hurt or betray us. If you do not practice forgiveness, you may be the one who pays dearly. As long as we have not forgiven someone, we are only hurting ourselves with the unforgiveness. Consider how forgiveness can lead you down the path of physical, emotional and spiritual well-being. Forgiveness is for yourself because it frees you. It lets you out of that prison you put yourself in. Forgiveness brings a peace that helps you to move on with your life. Someone who hurts you may have a weakness but that does not mean the person is wicked. Some things people do, they did not do them to you – they did them to themselves. When you hold on to bitterness, actually you are not holding it, it is holding you. Let it go!!
