October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, and the message is clear: Violence is Unacceptable in ALL Forms. Whether it is physical abuse including hitting, choking, punching or shooting, it is offensive. If it is verbal abuse of yelling, threatening or insulting, it is shameful. The sexual abuse of rape, incest, unwanted touching or pedophilia is intolerable. ALL violence and abuse is unacceptable no matter if you are a spouse, parent, family, friend or stranger.
Young people are experiencing abuse at home, in school and in the community. Adults are experiencing violence in intimate relationships and at work. Seniors are experiencing emotional and financial abuse by those entrusted with their care. When will the violence and abuse in Anguilla cease? When will victims demand protection and perpetrators demand help to change their dysfunctional behaviour?
After a controversial domestic violence incident with American football player Ray Rice, the entire National Football League is revisiting their policy on domestic violence among their sports players. Ray Rice punched his fiancée in an elevator, knocking her unconscious, and then dragged her out of the elevator onto the floor. All of it was recorded on video and seen by millions around the world. Sadly, the abused and confused couple is now married.
Ladies, when will the abuse end? Men, when will the abuse end? We must each take responsibility for our actions. Real women will not be abusive or violent toward anyone in their life. Real men will not be violent or abusive toward anyone in their life. So tell me, are you being real? Domestic violence is either a slow or a quick death. It will never bring life or love. Leave the pain and you will do better.
A brilliant young lady shared this poem with me, offering an insider’s perspective on domestic violence:
I got flowers today. It wasn’t my birthday or any other special day. We had our first argument last night and he said a lot of cruel things that really hurt me. I know that he is sorry and didn’t mean to say the things he said – because he sent me flowers today.
I got flowers today. It wasn’t our anniversary or any other special day. Last night he threw me into a wall and then started to choke me. It seemed like a nightmare but you wake up from nightmares to find that they aren’t real. I woke up this morning sore and bruised all over. I know he must be sorry – because he sent me flowers today.
I got flowers today. And it wasn’t Valentine’s Day or any other special day. Last night he beat me and threatened to kill me. Makeup and long sleeves didn’t hide the cuts and bruises this time. I couldn’t go to work because I didn’t want anyone to know.
But I know he is sorry – because he sent me flowers today.
I got flowers today and it wasn’t Mother’s Day or any other special day. Last night he beat me again and it was much worse than all the other times. If I leave him what will I do? How will I take care of the kids? What about money? I’m afraid of him and too scared to leave him! But he must be sorry – because he sent me flowers today.
I got flowers today. Today was a very special day.
It was the day of my funeral. Last night he finally killed me. I was beaten to death. If only I would have gathered enough courage and strength to leave him. So I got flowers today – for the very last time.
~Author Unknown
One time is enough. There is confidential help available. Please contact the Gender Affairs Unit; Dr. Ronya Foy Connor, Gender Development Coordinator, at the Ministry of Home Affairs, The Valley, or at Ronya.Foy-Connor@gov.ai, 497-2518.
