I had a very interesting discussion with a group of young adults about The Jet Ski Debate in Anguilla. The conversation ultimately veered away from Jet Skis to their larger belief that Young People in Anguilla have no real power to effect positive change, and that success in our small island is based on “who ya for” and “who ya know”.
I have always taken offense to these comments..mostly because all of my life ( the 14 years I spent in Anguilla) they’ve been indirectly and, in many cases, directly directed at me. “Born with a silver spoon in your mouth” “never had to work for anything” the list goes on…..
I wrote an article two years ago, when I was 23 years old, on the subject of Accountability. Today, I was up long before my 6am alarm clock, mind racing, trying to figure out how I could tackle the disempowering belief systems that are perpetuated by many of our leaders and that are holding so many of my peers back. Literally killing dreams by the minute.
I’ll tell my very personal story later this year, but for now I’ll share three examples from my three brothers that relate to the accountability debate. Examples that have been my motivation in life, lessons that educated me through action and that destroy the idea that “Who Ya For” and “Who Ya Know” determines success.
As a disclaimer, my definition of success is: The freedom/autonomy to set a goal and achieve it. The freedom to live your dreams. Success for me is not money or power. Success is consistent achievement.
1. Responsibility
“Responsibility is not something you do — it’s a way of thinking and being. When you’re truly responsible, you believe that success or failure is up to you, even if you work within a team or are blindsided by unforeseen circumstances. You own your commitment to a result before the fact, before you even take action.”
Personal Example
When my big brother Omari started playing cricket in Anguilla he was not the most talented. But he was dedicated. This boy would practice on Christmas Day, make me bowl to him for hours, subject me to channel 39 Cricket to watch the West Indies play and the list goes on and on. He was a pain in the butt big brother but his example was inspiring. “If you have a dream, LIVE it. Your success or failure is your responsibility.” I’ll never forget the day he came into the kitchen and told me that he had made the West Indies Cricket team. I wasn’t surprised then. The kid just kept achieving, inside and outside of Anguilla, but I never felt that it was because of our LAST Name. I just figured, if you want to succeed, some times you have to skip out on Christmas HAM. Today, Omari is making waves pursuing his music career. He started two years ago and is succeeding. I’ll go as far as saying he’s one of, if not, the biggest current international artist from Anguilla today. Not because of who he’s for, but because he PRACTICES like a MANIAC. Chances are he’s probably practicing right now. Making tons of noise waking up the village. Again, he has a dream and he is taking the responsibility to succeed at that Dream. If Omari called me tomorrow and told me Sis, “I’m going to the moon next year,” I’d believe him and be like “I wanna come too!” He is dedicated and driven. He takes full responsibility for his ambitions in life. When someone works that hard, for any person to attribute his or her success to “Who YA FOR” and “Who ya Know” is an insult. Reputation can only get you so far. Ultimately you have to be accountable, Take Responsibility & DELIVER. Omarie always put the word accountability in my Birthday Cards. Today I appreciate that so much. Omari taught me to Work HARD & THEN Deliver. Every. Single. Time!
2. Self-empowerment
“There is only one kind of empowerment, and that is self-empowerment. Unlike granting authority, empowerment comes from within. By empowering yourself, you take the actions — and the risks — to achieve a result and get what you want. Rather than waiting for someone to declare you empowered or give you that one lucky break, you step outside your comfort zone, make things happen, and answer for the outcomes.”
Personal Example
My Big Brother Olaide lives in Houston, Texas. And has lived there for as long as I can remember. He went away to school when I was still a little kid. When my brother went to Houston he didn’t know anyone outside of our aunt & uncle. He got a job at a fast food restaurant, got into college, and worked super hard to pay for his undergraduate degrees in Accounting and Finance. He didn’t have any real financial support outside of himself. But He DID NOT MAKE EXCUSES. He stepped out of his comfort zone, and empowered himself to achieve his goals. When he was in college, he took an internship as a mail boy at a Research Company in Houston. Today he is the Chief Financial Officer at that company. Once again, it wasn’t “who you for” or “who you know”. He was an Anguillian Kid in a city of over 2 Million People. He took responsibility, empowered himself and is succeeding. Today, more than 15 years since leaving Anguilla, he owns a successful law firm with Associates in Downtown Houston. Olaide taught me to get out of my comfort zone. Success is not handed to you. You gotta work for it! Work hard, get SMART and you will Succeed!
3. Personal accountability
“Unlike responsibility (the “before”) and self-empowerment (the “during”), personal accountability is the “after”. It’s a willingness to answer for the outcomes of your choices, actions, and behaviors. When you’re personally accountable, you stop assigning blame, “should-ing” on people, and making excuses. Instead, you take the fall when your choices cause problems.”
Personal Example
My final example is of my Big Brother Geordie, GB SMOOVE. Geordie is actually my biological cousin (ON BOTH SIDES) and he’s also one of my best friends. GB is someone I’m most vulnerable with — I cry, I share my fears, I do the mushy stuff. But GB taught me one of the most valuable lessons in my entire life: that I AM ACCOUNTABLE FOR my Results. Stop whining, stop bitching, stop making excuses. Look within yourself. If you want to succeed, if you want to excel, you have to be prepared to face to the music. If you try something and you fail, go out there and get at it again! If someone hurts you, shake it off. You can’t control the actions of others, you can only control your feelings. Geordie is the person I go to when I have a major accomplishment (worth bragging about), and he’s also someone I have relied upon at my lowest points in life. I joke and tell him he’s my hero but he really is. He does what he wants and he faces the music in every facet of his life. He doesn’t blame or point fingers. He finds solutions and keeps it moving. GB taught me to pull up my socks, that I’m a champion and it’s time I start acting and living like one — take control of my Destiny. Wait for no Man.
I used these personal examples, and I’m sure others have their own. My point in all of this goes back to the original disempowering belief that “who ya for and who ya know” determines how far you go.
It is no secret that positive relationships are important in life. But I truly believe that the people that focus on the “who ya for and who ya know” principle are so busy making excuses for why they cannot overcome the barriers in life, that they don’t persevere and continue to pursue success. When things get tough, they say “I’m not succeeding because I’m not for so and so,” or “because I don’t know so and so..or this person doesn’t like me” when in, actuality, they aren’t living their dreams because they aren’t seeking creative solutions and they aren’t willing to push past a little bit of disappointment/rejection. You really only fail when you give up.
My first job was as a sales representative for my University’s newspaper in Houston. Everyday I would try to call 30 people to buy advertising. If I called thirty, 29 most probably told me they were NOT interested. But at least 1 would say, “ok Ms. Banks, we’ll sign on.” I never took the rejection of the 29 personally. I focused on that 1 positive Sale…and the next day I’d set a goal to call 60 clients. So maybe I could get 2 sales.
Focus on the Positives. Don’t make excuses. Hold yourself accountable for your Actions and your Results.
It doesn’t matter who ya for or who ya know. You are a CHAMPION. Start acting and LIVING LIKE ONE.
Explore your life without limits.
