Friday, 6th June 2014 (North Side, Anguilla) — I did not have the intention of writing this Friday morning. However, unforeseen circumstances occurred during the past 24 hours that have caused me to compose some thoughts on a very serious matter. That is the harmful effects and consequences of spreading rumours and telling untruths.
Most persons don’t seem to realise how what they say and put in writing can impact other individuals. The words we share may have either a positive or negative impact on our fellow human beings. Living in a small-knit community like Anguilla, we are more influenced by whatever our relatives, friends, colleagues, neighbours, and others tell or speak. Sometimes we may think that we are doing good works by spreading news of goings on or repeating what someone else said. Yet we don’t’ always consciously recognise the harmful effects such acts can have on another person’s life and mental state, or emotional well being and maintaining a balanced mind.
What has prompted me to write this kind of opinion-editorial today is a telephone call I received yesterday from someone who is close to me. Our subsequent conversation this morning has inspired me to utilise this experience with my friend as a teaching lesson for all of us to learn life’s lessons if we choose to participate in growing and developing our inner potential.
Now this person is an individual whom I’ve known for quite some time and consider dear to me. It isn’t the first time that we have had an encounter by digital media or one of a similar nature. Nevertheless, I am looking at what happened this time with the friend from a different perspective or in a newer light from a higher level of consciousness.
What I recognise is my friend repeating a pattern of past behaviour that is as prevalent in our small island community as it is in other communities throughout the world. As an individual who is focussed on being the best human that God created me to be and a writer who wishes to raise our conscious awareness, I take this opportunity to share my view points in the hopes that doing so will help us see more clearly how we often mistreat one another. Perhaps through these words, I may show each one of us how we are capable of changing and becoming better persons.
The gist of what happened is that my friend called me asking questions about myself, then the friend preceded to tell me that other persons were saying something negative about me. When I queried the friend asking the name of the person who was making the comments and if my name had specifically been mentioned, this friend claimed to not know the person who had spoken and said my name hadn’t been said. This makes me suspicious and wonder whether it is my friend’s own fears that have caused the friend to call and enquire personal information of me or is the friend just being nosey.
Approaching someone who is repeating gossip or fibbing
My approach to this matter was to tell the friend to bring the person directly to me who had been saying such things and allow me to speak with the individual in order to address the situation properly. If the friend wasn’t willing to do that, I asked the friend to relay my message to the person and to tell her or him that he or she does not know me and needs to stop spreading gossip and lies about me.
Since I was a child, I’ve not taken it lightly when someone wants to tell something untruthful about me. It is quite hurtful and really bothers me because I don’t do that to others. So often the person hearing the words spoken that aren’t true doesn’t take the time to investigate and find out what actually is the truth. We may presume what is said is truthful. Yet we don’t always get a chance to speak directly to the individual who spoke the untrue words and wind up defending our selves against the false accusations that were made. So I always believe that it’s better to go to the source than to talk about the matter with a third party.
There have been several other occasions in my lifetime when I’ve had colleagues, associates, employers, “so called” friends, consultants, or even loved ones and strangers say things to others regarding me that have been very much untruthful. I once had an employer blatantly lie about me to my face. It just amazes me what people will do or say when they don’t want to confront the truth of their own selves or own up to the mistakes that they themselves have made.
Be responsible for speaking the truth
So this morning I write not in defence of my name or reputation, but to raise conscious awareness on the harmful effects and consequences that each of us whether man, woman, child or youth faces when we maliciously or even unintentionally spread rumours, gossip, lies, and untruths about other individuals or situations. We must be responsible for what we say, and always and in all circumstances speak the truth, as we know it to be from our own limited minds’ perspectives. Otherwise, our actions of not speaking the truth can wreck harm and even destroy a person’s life.
Do we choose to be truthful or do we choose to be untruthful? That is a question we must each ask of our selves. I see lies and untruths being perpetuated in politics, in family relationships, amongst friends and colleagues, with pastors in churches, between schoolmates, and everywhere. When will we learn to follow the teachings of The Most High Creator God, Christ the Lord, and other wise or holy teachers who show us that living in truth is the only way to live?
Life’s lessons on truthfulness
My maternal grandmother had an expression that she used, which I like very much. According to my mother, Granma would say that someone was not very well acquainted with the truth. I love this saying because it means that one isn’t disrespectful and doesn’t call another person a liar. It also gives the individual who is untruthful the opportunity to become well acquainted with speaking the truth.
We need to start incorporating truth teaching in all of our daily life lessons. Teach our children and adults too that there are positive rewards for telling things that are true and adverse consequences for doing the opposite. A couple weeks ago, I spoke with three girls in grade 4 at The Valley Primary School regarding this very same subject. I had gone to the school with a friend because she wanted to discuss with her daughter’s teacher an issue that the child was having with two other children.
Now we’ve got to use psychology when dealing with young people, so I told the girls the story of Peter and the Wolf. It’s a tale about a boy who keeps crying there’s a wolf when there actually isn’t a wolf around. He’s told this “tall story” so many times that no one in the village believes he knows how to tell the truth. When a wolf appears for real one day and Peter cries “wolf”, his family and the other villagers don’t think a wolf really is present. The wolf attacks the boy and because nobody believes Peter is telling the truth none of them comes to rescue him. The moral of the story is to always be truthful.
Thoughts for further contemplation
We must be truthful in everything that we say, do and write. We need to ask our selves when someone repeats something negative to us about someone else if we would like to be in that other person’s shoes. We have to tell our family and friends that we won’t engage in gossiping, spreading rumours or telling lies. If we always speak the truth, then everyone can believe everything that we say as being true. We will then become honest, truthful persons who are regarded with high respect and uphold good standards like integrity and uprightness.
These are words and thoughts for us to seriously contemplate every day we live our lives. May be we even need to start having dialogues in our households, schools, churches, places of work, and in our community organisations and government departments to help us change how we operate in today’s world. If we don’t, then we could possibly run the risk of becoming a stagnate nation of lawless and unconscious individuals who do whatever we want to do without facing the consequences of our own actions. Is this what we wish to do or how we desire to behave?
As I repeatedly emphasise in my spoken word articles, we must be the instruments of change that we envision and do what we can to move our selves and our nation forward. May God’s divine grace and blessings continue to inspire us to daily speak the truth, squelch the grapevine rumours and stop spreading the gossip!
Before you repeat what someone else said or speak to another person, think first. Ask yourself, “Is what I’m saying beneficial and positive?” If it isn’t, then keep the words and thoughts to yourself, and delete them from your memory bank replacing them with something positive to say to the other individual. I hope those who read this message clearly get what I’m attempting to convey and you will help to spread the word, so that our Anguilla community can become one known as a globally recognised Caribbean nation where all peoples speak the truth.
Kay M. Ferguson is a conscious writer who believes that the words we speak and write can have either positive or negative effects. She practices speaking and writing the truth and avoids gossiping or spreading rumours. To link with Kay, you can e-mail her at anguillawriter@gmail.com. Send an e-message via www.facebook.com/kaymferguson or tweet @kaykayferguson.