Are you one of those persons living with regret? Well, you are certainly not alone. Most of us have some regrets. Some of them affect only us and some affect family, friends and others. It is inevitable that we will look back and see things that we wish we had done differently. However, we cannot go back and change them. The only thing we can do is learn how we can move beyond them.
Regret typically comes in two varieties: things we regret we did and things we regret we didn’t do. However, what we tend to regret most is having done something we know we should not have or wish we would have. For example, not accepting blame for something we did wrong, allowing someone else to take the rap, and not sticking up for someone younger or weaker when we were able to do so or, never accomplishing something we wanted to.
Sadly, many times there is no way to go back and make a different choice. While having regrets is painful, it is time to shake it off and move forward because it is a great waste of energy. You can’t build on it. You cannot go back in time and change the past so, what is the point of churning it over in your mind again and again? Make it a rule of life never to regret and never to look back.
What is done is done. It is history. Now is the only time that is important. Your future is only determined by your thoughts today. What you constantly focus on is what will happen to you whether it is good or bad. The best thing to do is to learn from the past and let it go. Each one of us has a choice. We can choose to live in regret or we can choose to forget about it and focus on the future.
Regrets generally flow from poor choices, followed by similarly poor actions. So, it is important that we avoid making wrong choices. If we are not sure of what to do, it is wise to pray and seek God’s wisdom and direction, or seek the help of professionals or trusted family and friends.
When we seek to live according to God’s laws and His way of life, He promises to help us. When we strive to please God and trust in Him, we can also be bold in our actions. All of God’s laws and instructions teach us how to live happily and avoid regrets. The laws of God are not given to prevent us from having a good time. The exact opposite is true. God does not want anyone to suffer regret from wrong or poor choices. He wants us to live life to the fullest. That’s why He gives us very specific guidelines for a way of life that produce happiness and peace.
Be gentle with yourself. Don’t be too hard on yourself. We are all humans and we will make mistakes from time to time. We all have shortcomings and weaknesses. The Bible has much to say about regret, and there are numerous examples of people in the Bible who experienced these negative feelings. Here are a few of them:
Adam and Eve – Can you imagine the shame and regret Adam and Eve lived with after they sinned? They spoiled the perfect creation God had made. They must have lived the rest of their lives in regret—after all, they remembered paradise.
Another biblical example of regret is the experience of the apostle Peter. Out of fear of losing his own life, Peter denied the Lord three times. He even claimed that he did not know Him. One can only imagine how awful he felt.
You see, regret is a powerful emotion that can break you and make you lose all your confidence from within. But once you learn to control and overcome your grief and regret, you will see that this world can be a great place to live in. So, when you have to deal with situations, ask yourself two questions:
1. “What can I learn from this?” Find the lessons. It is telling you something that needs to be fixed.
2. “How could it have been worse?” How can you stop making new regrets? The answer to this can actually be a lot of fun. It helps you avoid regret in the future.
Remember: Don’t waste your time on anger, regrets, worries, and grudges. Life is too short to be unhappy. One of the greatest regrets in life is being what others would want you to be, rather than being yourself.
About the Author: Mrs. Marilyn Hodge owns and operates the Wellness Centre in the Farrington, Anguilla. The Centre offers Counselling Services by Appointment Only and has now published Positive Living Volume 3. Contact information: 476-3517 or email: marilynb@anguillanet.com. www.facebook.com/axawellnesscentre
