Tuesday, 13th July 2021 — Recently, I listened to an illuminating YouTube video that touched on a subject I am personally well-acquainted with. That is the recurring effects of traumatic experiences.
In Jay Shetty’s podcast, On Purpose, he interviewed the celebrity actress, philanthropist, talk show host and television producer, Oprah Winfrey – along with children’s mental health and neurosciences psychiatrist, Bruce D. Perry, MD, PhD, regarding a co-authored publication.
Their book is a compilation of stories and scientific evidence on the life-long impact people experience from childhood traumas. What Happened to You? Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing, was published by Flatiron Books, a division of MacMillan in New York and is available on Amazon.com.
The authors’ note “This book is for anyone with a mother, father, partner or child who may have experienced trauma. And, if you’ve ever had the labels like ‘people pleaser’, ‘self-sabotager’, ‘disruptive’, ‘argumentative’, ‘checked out’, ‘can’t hold a job’ or ‘bad at relationships’ used to describe you or your loved ones, this book is for you. Or if you simply want to better understand yourself and others, this book is for you.”
Reading this book may stir up deep recessed impressions. It may be challenging to read at times, but well worth the effort in helping us to comprehend what makes us tick. How our emotional psyches developed. How the brain stores traumas experienced at a very young age. How they influence us throughout our lifetimes.
We all can recall our stories of incidents experienced as children, youths and adults, which have significantly impacted our wholeness. They may be big or small traumatic affairs and have left significant scars.
Are we aware that most damage is done at an early age from conception to two years – and creates neurological pathways to our brains’ responses? Some persons have worked to heal their wounding. Other individuals have been unable to recover from the unpleasant events that occurred.
I do not know about anyone else, but I have been on a serious healing journey for almost half of my lifetime. What I experienced from childhood through middle age was no worse than what anyone else endured. In fact, I feel I have made it through life fairly unscathed compared to the circumstances others were dealt.
Nonetheless, there is a source of pain that has not vanished entirely because I have to occasionally interact with the persons who perpetrated the maltreatment. Whether they were consciously aware or not of what they did makes no difference. The damage was done. I have been unable to extract myself from them totally due to the emotional attachments developed a long time ago.
What do we do when the individuals who wounded us are our very own blood relatives? If they are distant family, or unrelated to us, then we may have a chance of removing ourselves far from them when we grow up. Yet when they are our parents and siblings, the opportunity to extricate ourselves from their lives is quite challenging – next to impossible to dissolve.
Is it fair for a child who was abused at a young age by a relation to have to keep facing the perpetrator of the abuse as an adult merely because he/she is a member of the clan? Pain hidden deep inside the emotional psyche is still present and can arise whenever we encounter this person. We may learn to forgive the people who hurt us. Yet, the memories are never erased.
Anything that helps us to explore what happened to shape how we think, feel and act is beneficial to discovering a new path moving forward. If we do not address trauma issues from childhood, then we will continue to live in the pain of the past. That ultimately impacts both our present and future livelihoods. We have to shift from causing harm to one another to loving everyone.
In the book’s dedication, Oprah wrote, “To the daughter girls in my life who believed they had broken wings. My hope for you is to not just fly but soar.” I add, “and to the son boys”.
It is imperative we learn to work together in the Anguilla community to holistically care for our minds, bodies and souls. May God, the Great Physician who resides within us, help to heal ourselves and the nations. And may all a’ we rise soaring!
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Kay M Ferguson is a contributing columnist who uses a nom de plume, The Empress Extraordinaire. Her words encourage us to explore who we are, evolve as human-beings and transform our world. Link with Kay at anguillawriter@gmail.com.
