Do you find it hard to forgive others? Well you are not alone. Many people do. When we have been hurt by the actions or words of others it hurts. When others violate us, it is painful. The wounds leave lasting feelings of anger, bitterness or vengeance within. Automatic thoughts or beliefs also impede us from forgiving others. These make forgiveness extremely hard.
There are many reasons why people find it hard to forgive. Often, we refuse to forgive because we feel that not forgiving is our payback to our offender. But, in truth, unforgiveness tortures us more than it does anyone else. Matthew Chapter 18:23 to 35 tells us that if we do not forgive people, we get turned over to the torturers. If you have a problem in this area, or have ever had one, I’m sure you bear witness with what I’m saying. It is torture to have hateful thoughts toward another person rolling around inside your head.
When you forgive others you are freeing yourself, and you are helping the other person by releasing them, so God can do what only He can do. If you are in the way, trying to get revenge or taking care of the situation yourself, instead of trusting and obeying God, He has no obligation to deal with that person. God promises He will deal with those who hurt us if we put them in His hands. Romans Chapter 12 verse 19 says, “Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.” The act of forgiving is our seed of obedience to His Word. Once we have sown our seed, God is faithful to bring a harvest of blessing to us one way or another.
Another way that forgiveness helps you is that it releases God to do His work in you. You will be happier and feel better physically when you are not filled with the poison of unforgiveness. Serious diseases can develop as a result of the stress and pressure that bitterness, resentment and unforgiveness put on a person. Mark Chapter 11:22 to 26 clearly teaches us that unforgiveness hinders our faith from working. God cannot forgive our sins if we do not forgive other people. So, do yourself a favour and forgive.
Forgiveness is truly the key to a happier and healthier life. Studies have shown that there are measurable benefits to forgiveness:
? Forgiving is good for your health. People who forgive report fewer health problems, while people who blame others for their troubles have a higher incidence of illness such as cardiovascular disease and cancers.
? Forgiving is good for your peace of mind. Scientific research shows that forgiveness often improves your peace of mind. Those who forgave were healthier emotionally than those who chose not to forgive. The forgivers had a higher sense of well-being and lower anxiety and depression.
Is it any wonder that God tells his people to forgive one another? He loves us too much to want us to go down the destructive road of unforgiveness. That’s why he gives us a call to forgive. In the Bible it says that God loved the world so much that he sent his only son so that we could be forgiven (John 3:16).
During his time on this earth, Jesus felt immense pain, rejection and humiliation, but with his last words before he died, He asked God to forgive the people who were killing him. Then Jesus, the only sinless person to have ever lived, died on a cross to pay the penalty for all of mankind’s sin. This made it possible for anyone to be forgiven by God and reconciled to their creator.
So, if you are struggling with unforgiveness, it is time to let it go. Seek God’s forgiveness and move on. Matthew Chapter 6:15 says, “But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” Forgiving others is so much easier when you have experienced the joy of being forgiven by God for every wrong thing you have ever done. With his help, you can forgive others even if the scars run really deep. It may take time and effort, but it will be worth it.
It is important for you to remember these three things:
? Forgiveness is a process that takes time and patience to complete. You must be ready. Realize that forgiveness is for you – not for anyone else. Forgiveness is a choice you must make.
? Forgiving does not mean you are condoning the actions of the offenders or what they did to you. You are choosing to release them to God. He will deal with them.
? Focus on the positives in your life. A life well lived is the best revenge. People who find a way to see love, beauty and kindness around them are better able to forgive and get past their grievances.
Remember – Forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself. It is not something you do FOR someone else. The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.
About the Author: Mrs. Marilyn Hodge owns and operates the Wellness Centre in the Farrington, Anguilla. The Centre offers Counselling Services by Appointment Only and has now published Positive Living Volume 2. Contact information: 476-3517 or email: marilynb@anguillanet.com. www.facebook.com/axawellnesscentre
