“Finally, [be ye] all of one mind, having compassion one of another, love as brethren, [be] pitiful, [be] courteous” (1 Peter 3:8).
Have you been practicing the art of being courteous? How would you rate yourself out of ten? Well, sometimes, the seemingly trivial acts we perform are the most important. Courtesy is one of them. We refer to it in different ways such as civility, good manners, good behaviour, good conduct, politeness, decency, respect for others, thoughtfulness, kindness and consideration.
No matter what we call it, courtesy is NOT trivial. Here is how Edmund Burke describes it: “Manners are of more importance than laws. Manners are what vexes or soothes, corrupts or purifies and exalts or debases by a constant, steady, uniform, insensible operation, like that of the air we breathe in.”
Are those words too strong? What do you think? Well they are not strong at all. Think about it. Would a considerate person steal? Would a kind student, bully? Would a respectful person take someone else’s life? No, because manners and morals flow from the same principle: consideration for others. So, if we raise the level of courtesy and practice it in our daily lives, we will no doubt enhance our daily living.
Our manners, then, are like the clothes we wear. They reveal what type of person we are. We should be kind and tender hearted to everyone. We need to teach the young by example that the strong are kind. The strong reach out and connect with others. They unite, uplift and improve the world. You may be wondering how are we to practice courtesy?
There are as many ways as there are moments in a day.
Every encounter is an opportunity. Here are some examples:
1. Whenever someone treats you kindly, show your appreciation, express your gratitude and offer your thanks. There is as much greatness of mind in acknowledging a good turn, as in doing it.
2. Scatter the dark clouds of gloom and spread sunshine with your smile. Remember, a smile is a curved line that can straighten many problems.
3. Recognize the achievements of others, not with shallow flattery but with sincere and warm praise.
4. Respect the opinions and decisions of others even if you disagree with them.
5. Here is some good advice in the form of a Persian proverb: “Treat your superior as a father, your equal as a brother, and your inferior as a son.”
6. Be a good friend. Express your good manners with your emotions. When your friends arrive say, “At last!” And when they leave say, “So soon!” When you treat your friends kindly you will be greatly rewarded. St. Basil (329-379) explains how: “He who sows courtesy reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.”
7. Treat others with respect. Treating royalty, political leaders or movie stars with respect is a common occurrence, but treating beggars, the homeless, and ex-cons with respect is the mark of greatness. It is not only the downtrodden who need respect; it is our children too. If we don’t already respect them, for what they are, how can we help them become more than they are?
8. Act kindly toward others without expecting anything in return. To act in the expectation of a reward cancels out the kindness.
9. Instruct your children for, as R. Buckminster Fuller (1895-1983) wrote, “Parents are usually more careful to bestow knowledge on their children rather than virtue, the art of speaking well rather than doing well; but their manners should be of the greatest concern.”
10. Respond to rudeness with kindness for what better test of good manners is there than politely putting up with bad ones? We become kind by being kind. And when every act we do is a kind one, the world will rejoice.
11. Be gentle in your dealings with others. As someone else wrote: “To find out what others are feeling, don’t prod or poke. If you want to play with a turtle, you can’t get it to come out of its shell by prodding and poking it with a stick for you might kill it. Be gentle not harsh, hard or forceful.”
12. Cherish your family and reinforce it with courtesy. Oddly enough, we often treat strangers more politely than we do members of our own family. This has to stop, and we need to ensure that “courtesy begins at home.”
13. Never underestimate the power of your small acts of kindness. They are the pebbles which form a solid foundation for our civilization. Without them, society will collapse.
Instead of striving to be important, which is nice, let’s strive to be nice which is more important.
Remember courtesy should be a continuous action, not something to be turned on and off like a faucet.
About the Author: Mrs. Marilyn Hodge owns and operates the Wellness Centre in the Farrington, Anguilla. The Centre offers Counselling Services by Appointment Only. Contact information: 476-3517 or email: marilynb@anguillanet.com.
