Welcome to a special two-part series of “The Gender Corner” focused on Fathers as we prepare to celebrate Father’s Day and Men’s Week 2015 from 20 June – 27 June 2015. The Gender Corner seeks to provide thought-provoking and action-inducing information on gender-related matters. We will break the silence and speak about a range of issues that will help us in building a positively transformed and visionary society. This week, a guest contributor writes part one of “Daddy Loves You” to describe the priceless opportunity of being a father and the special role as a child’s protector and provider. — Inspired by the song “Somaiya” written and sung by Omari Banks “I’m so glad you’re here. The day you came you brought me tears.” Children are our real legacies. Generations from now, our genes will survive through them. Our ancestors have placed their faith in YOU, that YOU will carry them through this generation carefully on to the next. As people of African descent, this is even more important since we are the survivors. Our ancestors survived the middle passage, the horrors of slavery and the degradation of being treated as less than human. We, as a people, were not allowed by law to own our children. Our children were ripped from our side and sold as property. I’m sure that as we left their side for unknown shores, they sent forth prayers to guide over us. Even in death, I’m convinced that their prayers linger over us guiding our way. Our ancestors knew the importance of the role of fathers; the strong protective figure. And such as the times would have it, he was destroyed before their eyes. Centuries later, as we have won the right to freedom, ownership and property of land, the sweetest right has to be the right to own and raise our own children in our caring ways. Sacrifices have been made by your ancestors for you to be a father and even more special, to be a Daddy. There is no greater role a man can play for his children and his community than by being an involved father. Fathers are a child’s first superhero. We need our fathers, our daddies; those super strong men that protect, provide, participate in our lives, prepare us for the highs and lows of life and are also our ultimate playmates bringing smiles and joy to our lives. “I’ll be your shield and guard your fears, I love You.”
Our Protectors
The psychologist Sigmund Frued stated that he “cannot think of any need in childhood as strong as the need for a father’s protection.” Like all species, our primary role as parents is to protect our young until maturity to ensure survival of the species. Children need to feel safe in their environment and this is where Daddy becomes the superhero securing the home in a safe manner and protecting the child physically, mentally and emotionally from the world. Daddies send the message to the child: “I have your back” and “You are not alone.” When a daddy picks up a child from school, it says this is MY child who I love. In order to bully or belittle him, you have to pass through me. A child who has been brought up in this security need not seek out protection from his peers. A present father also protects a child from emotional abuse from other family members, teachers, etc. A child need not fight his battles on his own. The father teaches the child how to protect himself, especially the male child, where ramping and physical displays of male strength are valued. The father is the king for a child. He is the strongest, smartest man alive. Behind him he feels safer. So I plead to all fathers: Step in front of your children, protect them from harm, you are his anointed king. Build a castle of protection around your child and let them be the valuable protected jewel. “One day they’ll make you cry, but don’t shed a tear my arms are opened wide.”
Our Providers
Being a provider means providing for the physical and emotional survival of your child. Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs states that children cannot develop without their basic needs being met. This includes water, food, clothing, shelter and more. Children have constant needs, so providing financially is essential. Fathers have to understand that when they do not provide financially for their children, it can cause extra financial and mental strain on the mother or other care takers who in turn may have to work extra hours just to provide for the very basic needs of their child. I would ask every father who is not in the home to ask themselves this question when you have breakfast: “Have I provided the same for my child?” If the answer is no, then you have to question how that child is surviving. Are you really living up to not just your moral responsibility, but your legal responsibility as well? You may be in a position temporarily where you cannot provide financially since there isn’t much income coming in. This should mean that you have more time on your hands and you can provide childcare or support for your child by spending extra time with your child. Let your child feel your presence of support. Go to the football match or go to the PTA. Also, be careful that you do not become the father that only drops by to give your child money on a monthly basis without spending time with your child. Your child is not a debt. Your child is the best investment you will ever make in your life so follow that up with regular visits. Provide the kind words, the advice, the hugs when the game didn’t go as planned and the team lost, take time to build back up your child’s self-esteem and spirit. As Frederick Douglas stated, “It is easier to build strong children than repair broken men…”
Stay tuned for Part Two of “Daddy Loves You” in next week’s edition of The Anguillian. If you’d like to contribute to The Gender Corner, feel free to email Dr. Ronya Foy Connor, Gender Development Coordinator, Ministry of Home Affairs, The Valley, at Ronya.Foy-Connor@gov.ai or call at 497-2518.
(Published without editing by The Anguillian newspaper.)
