Welcome to the third 2015 column of “The Gender Corner,” published in collaboration with The Anguillian newspaper. We are taking a slight turn this year – still providing thought-provoking and stimulating discussion on gender-related matters – but now focusing on the personal stories and real-life experiences from those in our community. The goal is to break the silence about a range of issues so that we can start building a positive and productive society. This week we discuss the influence of constructive guidance and why it is necessary for youth to have a voice. This is one man’s expression:
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Life for me has been up and down lately with the trials and tribulations of finding “my place.” I am a young man with a Government job, trying to pay off student loans, save some money, progress my various business ventures, upkeep my current belongings, and just plain trying to enjoy my free time!
With all of this going on, it seems that my passion for young people has not faded. In fact, it led me to a job in the sector of helping young men reform their lives. I’m also an unofficial mentor to a couple of young men in my community. Needless to say, I have a few new young cohorts struggling with the perils of growing up with parent problems. Some of the young men I am in contact with on a regular basis have little to no contact with their father or mother/grandmother. As the primary care takers, these adults need to work a full time job in order to support their household. Can they really succeed at being full time caretakers and full time workers? When do they have time to provide guidance to their children? In reality, the teens and parents rarely cross paths with the hectic schedule the caretakers must carry out.
Here lies the entire theme of this article: Where is the Guidance?
I cannot speak so confidently about the issues young women and women face in today’s tumultuous times, but I can say that a lot of the social issues young men face today in Anguilla comes from a lack of guidance. Many of the social concerns facing young men can be addressed in different ways, but I will focus on just one important facet that I believe we can all affect change with: Guidance.
“It takes a village to raise a child.”
I truly believe in this statement. I believe we misunderstand that “guidance” means telling people what to do. Guidance is not a dictatorship. Guidance is love and guidance is having a conversation with a young man. A child, especially in today’s world, has 99 different ways to learn something. If they find a path of resistance, they will find another less the resistance.
I think we forget how impressionable a child can be. Take a minute and think back to your earliest memories. Think back to your childhood and the lessons learned – the hard way and easy way. Think about people who you have learned from and taught. What are the nuances you held on to from your childhood? Some of these things might affect your behaviour this very day! As we grow older I find it more critical that we filter our behaviour and actions in front of younger persons. When I say filter, I do not mean not to do something but I mean to explain your actions and why you are doing something, to the young person. Why, you ask? Because what a young person learns from their care givers and other older people in the community or Village surrounding them is only amplified the older they become. Just as your parent’s voice might ring in your ear every day, your voice and lessons might ring in their ear for the rest of their life.
We must be considerate of our actions as adults in the presence of minors. Because even if a father or mother or both parents are not in a child’s life to guide them, we as the Village of Anguilla should feel the burden and share the burden if we want Anguilla to be the best it can be.
The malice being created in Anguilla today is horrible, and I am not speaking on the physical violence and misbehaviour, but I am speaking to the lack of guidance, love and appreciation for the young people of Anguilla. Each one, teach one and stop blaming youth for problems of today. THEY GREW UP LEARNING YOUR HABITS!! We are all true reflections of generations past, so maybe it is time we all look in the mirror to figure out what we really stand for, what we really love and what to teach our children, as a community.
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If you’d like to contribute your experiences to The Gender Corner, feel free to email Dr. Ronya Foy Connor, Gender Development Coordinator, Ministry of Home Affairs, The Valley, or to Ronya.Foy-Connor@gov.ai. or call at 497-2518.
