Welcome to the second 2015 column of “The Gender Corner,” published in collaboration with The Anguillian newspaper. We are taking a slight turn this year – still providing thought-provoking and stimulating discussion on gender-related matters – but now focusing on the personal stories and real-life experiences from those in our community. The goal is to break the silence about a range of issues so that we can start helping each other. This week we look at the repercussions that occur as a result of taking and sharing risky images via text or other social media. This is one youth’s true story:
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In an instant my life was changed forever. With the click of a mouse or push of a button, images of me shared. Just imagining that people from countries that I never heard of would have heard of and seen me, is shocking. Ever since that day when the first wave of pictures got sent out my life has been a living nightmare. Everywhere I go people stop and stare, whisper or point. I thought the teasing I received from the children at school would be the worst but as it turns out they were the least of my worries.
The most shocking and anguishing part was hearing the teachers talk about me, grown adults, and even in church I found no refuge or hope. Often times I overheard them talking about me – even the pastor’s wife. They didn’t seem to care if I overheard their gossiping or whispers because they talked as if I couldn’t hear. At 16 years old, it was too much for me to deal with. Everyone was looking at me, judging me, and calling me naughty names. They acted as if they knew me; like they knew my life story.
And as time passed, there were always questions I kept finding myself asking: Where were they when it mattered the most? Where were they when my father abandoned my mother with 4 children? Where were they when my stepfather started to drink and beat my mother? Where were they when he raped me! And when my oldest brother went to jail for beating my stepfather one night to stop him from touching me, where were they? I will tell you where they were…they were sitting down and gossiping about it!
Persons knew what happened to me but they rather sit down amongst themselves “talking” about how dirty my mother and I are. It was then that they could have helped us to try and put an end to it. I can remember growing up that some mothers wouldn’t even allow me to play with their kids. “You don’t wanna play with she, she jus’ like who she for, ain’t goin’ to make it nowhere in life,” I heard someone say.
High school was already hard to deal with between the classes and drama. I could hardly understand my own feelings sometimes. My home life didn’t help much either. I recall how desperately I wanted to fit in. I wanted to have a boyfriend, go to parties, have someone to talk to at lunch. I just wanted to feel wanted and loved even if it was just for one moment. Looking back, I think it’s this long desire that convinced me to go against everything I believe in and send him that picture. I mean, it was like I was a virgin and he never pressed or forced me to do anything before this, so I could trust him. He really loved me or so I thought.
I’m not trying to defend my life. I know what I did was degrading and plain out stupid, but I know that more and more young girls are getting caught up in this new sexting (sex texting) craze. They don’t stop to really think about the consequences. Once that photograph or video is out there, whether it be via email or WhatsApp. or whatever, it’s out there! Once those images are there, you can never take it back. My advice – you can’t be sure about who and who not to trust so it’s best you just don’t sext at all.
Even more than the sexting craze, it’s about time that Anguilla stop watching and talking and actually start to do something about it. It’s up to us as a nation – as a people – to join together and put an end to sexual and violent exploitation of our youth (girls and boys alike). We keep talking about what’s wrong in today’s society but what most of us fail to realize is that we need to be the change that we want to see and set the example for future generations to follow. I was a hurting child and I made my mistake. How many more stories like mine do we need to hear before we can wake up as a community and do something?
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If you’d like to contribute a story to The Gender Corner, feel free to email Dr. Ronya Foy Connor, Gender Development Coordinator, Ministry of Home Affairs, The Valley, or to Ronya.Foy-Connor@gov.ai. or call at 497-2518.
