Welcome to the seventh in our series of bi-weekly columns under the title “The Gender Corner,” published in collaboration with the Anguillian Newspaper. Starting with this column, we will shift from discussing broad issues of gender awareness and sensitization and will focus on specific gender issues facing our island today. Through this publication we hope to provide thought-provoking and stimulating discussion that will translate into practical ways of effecting positive change. This week we explore single parenthood and the considerations for parents or guardians who are the sole care-giver.
The prevalence of a mother, father, grandparent or other guardian raising a child or children as the sole parent in the household is on the rise. According to a 1996 article in the Gender and Development Journal, Black and Caribbean households show that almost 50% of all households are headed by a single parent; the majority is headed by a single mother. It is the case that 44% of women in the CARICOM countries are single mothers. Can you imagine what this figure must be in the present time, almost 10 years after this study was conducted? Here in Anguilla, approximately 35% of households with children are single-parent homes, as derived from the 2001 Census.
Unfortunately, outdated notions of who single parents are present division in our society today. Not all single parenthood occurs from individuals having children out of wedlock. This idea is part of the stigma that prevents us all from understanding the plight of single parents and from actively looking for ways to assist. Single parenthood can occur from a breakdown of the family unit by both avoidable and unavoidable causes such as death of a spouse or loved one, subsequent widowhood, divorce, relocation, or cases of sexual abuse and rape. We must not always equate promiscuity or uncommitted sex with single parenthood; few situations are the same.
A lack of understanding about single parenthood creates an environment of isolation towards a group of individuals, both male and female, who need encouragement for themselves and for their children. Single parenting is a full-time job that can create a number of economic, social and psychological challenges. It is often times a lonely, depressing and disheartening undertaking even though it is a labor of love. Recently, a forum addressing single parenting in Anguilla noted some of these same challenges. Thankfully, single parents offered unique insights into the practical matters that are affecting them, and even expressed how friends, family and community members can assist. Practical considerations for single parents include:
1) Managing household expenses through a smart use of budgeting, limited credit card spending and minimising loans.
2) Utilising informal networks and family for child sitting needs or advice.
3) The need to prioritise what is essential and what is not. This includes realising that the health and well-being of you and your family come first before any luxury or material items.
4) Always focus on the positive in your life and be optimistic about raising intelligent and strong-willed children.
5) Let go of bitterness and anger that may exist toward the absent parent. Your children should never carry the burden of ill-feelings toward an absent parent.
Those committed to assisting single parents can consider supporting by offering an opportunity for relaxation. Invite them out to a nice event, treat them to a spa visit or spend time with them as a caring friend. You can also assist a child in a single-parent household by mentoring and providing motherly or fatherly guidance whenever possible.
Let us remember that we were created to be a community in helpful relationship with one another. At our best, children will have the opportunity to learn from both mothers and fathers, and men and women will be joined together in unity. Even though the modern family is changing, the value that we place on positive and inspirational relationships does not have to change. The challenge is to do what you are able to do in the capacity that you can in order to offer support where needed.
For more information and resources on single parenting, contact the Gender Affairs Unit. We also want to hear about each and every one of your activities, events, or group conversations related to gender issues in Anguilla. Please contact Ronya Foy Connor, Gender Development Coordinator, Ministry of Home Affairs, The Valley, at Ronya.Foy-Connor@gov.ai or feel free to call us anytime at 497-2518.
