Monday, 11th November 2013 (North Side, Anguilla) — During the past few weeks, I’ve had countless moments to contemplate the theme of protecting children and women from abuse and violence. Consequently, I’d like to continue the conversation started in Breaking the Code of Silence published in The Anguillian on Friday, 18th October 2013. It’s not an easy topic for most people to bring up yet, we must address it if we wish to move forward.
Since writing the article on Raising Conscious Awareness to Address Some Very Serious Matters, I’ve been approached by persons in the Anguilla community who brought up this subject without knowledge of my opinion-editorial. One individual mentioned the rape of school-aged girls. Another person told how her grandfather had raped her mother, and her brother had sexually abused her sister.
A friend from overseas telephoned and spoke of someone who had father, brothers and uncles abuse her. I also listened to a US news report regarding one of the young women who was held in captivity by a paedophile. She spoke with well-known talk show host Dr Phil regarding the horrific experiences she’d gone through. I couldn’t listen to the full report because I felt sick to my stomach knowing a human being could do such atrocious de-humanising acts as the captor did to the three youths.
Having these incidents brought to my attention has confirmed what I already know, that violence against children and women is prevalent in our communities across the globe. It’s a pandemic, a seriously contagious disease, that has been plaguing the human race for generations. We need to shine light on this epidemic, to reveal, correct and change it, so that all of us can lead healthier lifestyles.
Recognising effects of abuse, violence and traumas
In recent months, I’ve had the courage to speak publically on these issues of abuse, violence and traumas. It seems that God is guiding my writing from the place of the heart towards His Divine purpose, – talking about such important matters. I’m willing to share my life stories and anonymously tell experiences that others endured, so we all may begin the healing process.
As a spiritual seeker, I’m a person who’s constantly working on the inner self. This work often means having to face my own past wounding that created much pain and trauma, releasing emotional attachments to these events. Most people don’t recognise the compounding harmful effects that a victim/survivor of abuse goes through. Remnants of memories and impressions left from past traumas can haunt a person for her or his entire lifetime if she or he doesn’t seek to heal the scars from these experiences. Like an onion, there are many layers to peel back for complete healing.
Many times, we allow what has happened in previous experiences of our lives rule where we are now. Painful memories can have vise grips on our psyches and emotional states, making us immobile, keeping us from moving onward with our lives. The mind has a powerful hold on our mental, emotional and psychological health, and our being well.
At times, memories of incidents that happened in life, which terrified us as children, maybe triggered by events that occur when we’re adults. We may find ourselves in our thirties, forties, or fifties reacting emotionally because of a past memory that has arisen. Our behaviour in that moment might revert to the mannerisms of an eight-year old child or a 13-year old teenager. In other words, we act out whilst under the influence of the inner child’s memories.
Revealing secrets, bringing forth healing
The times in which we are presently living require that no secrets be kept hidden. We must reveal what has pained us in order to progress in life. If we don’t reveal and heal the wounds, then we’ll perish by having serious physical or mental illnesses. When we don’t address issues that we need to confront, the mind or soul feels dis-ease and the body reacts.
Such is the case with victims of sexual abuse and domestic violence. We may believe that a girl or woman behaves in a promiscuous way. Yet, we may not realise that her behaviour is the after effects from having been sexually abused.
Despite the United Nations proclamations and worldwide organisations’ initiatives to combat violence against women and children, to protect human rights, we still have an excessive prevalence of abuse perpetrated against the female sex. We tend to hide these things in the closet, not speaking about them, keeping them as dark secrets never to be told. Quite often we blame the girl or woman who was the victim for what happened.
Even in the 21st century, we continue to perpetuate an unhealthy habit of covering up immoral incidents that happen within our families and communities. Keeping such heinous acts hidden doesn’t help the victims who were abused, recover nor does it allow the abusers to face the consequences of their actions. Thereby, none of the individuals involved in these atrocities are able to completely heal their wounds or sick psychosis.
Are we so de-sensitised that we don’t want to properly address these issues? That’s a question we should ponder.
Is there a solution to this societal problem?
I would venture to say that we must all become sensitised and empathise with human beings who have experienced abuse/violence, even if we ourselves didn’t experience it. We must actively address these ills within our families and communities, not keep secrets hidden or protect alleged abusers. For any woman or child who is sexually, violently or emotionally abused impacts our entire nation.
When family members, or highly respected community members abuse children and women, the effects of these experiences on the victims/survivors are compounded by their having to continually come face to face with the abusers. It’s traumatic enough to have experienced the abuse, but to continue encountering or interacting with the abuser makes the emotional effects even worse.
We have to stop covering up for individuals who take away the rights of other persons. Persons who behave abusively are no doubt very sick-minded. Otherwise, how could they commit such offences? We must seek psychological counselling and therapy for the victims/survivors, abusers and families. Encouraging everyone to work on effectively addressing abnormal or destructive behaviour patterns is best practice.
Additionally, we must speak out vocally about these ills by telling our stories, so others know they’re not alone going through these life-altering events. We need to create support groups, networks, to aid women and children when they experience domestic violence and sexual abuse, and also build safe houses where they can go to begin rebuilding their lives. These concepts are avenues to help us protect the children, youths and women who have gone through the traumas.
Furthermore, we need to take legal action whenever necessary. Laws and legislation need to change to become much more supportive of the victims/survivors because the negative effects of experiencing abuse and violence are long lasting. A child or woman needs to be guaranteed that when she or he petitions for a protection order against the abuser, the courts will grant it. Denying the petition, or the parents standing in support of the abuser, causes even more devastation to the victim/survivor and to the family unit.
Going to trial in cases where legal charges have been brought, further damages the emotional well being of the victims/survivors. We must protect those who have survived abuse from experiencing more traumas. Too many times, abusers murder women and children instead of the victims/survivors being protected by family, neighbours, clergy, law enforcement, and the legal system.
Some people retain old-fashioned notions or misbeliefs that it’s the child or woman’s fault for having been raped. We have to stop thinking in this disparaging manner, making comments like “she’s a loose girl”. No one deserves to be abused. Protecting and uplifting our children and women is the only way to move forward if we wish the human race to successfully advance and to re-build the values of our nations.
Why don’t we protect our children and women?
That’s a question that I really cannot answer. I believe it may have something to do with how societies give favouritism to boys and men. In every global village and family, there are adults who play favourites with a boy or man versus a girl or woman.
What about China where a girl child is born and thrown away because the society doesn’t value girls, and it’s illegal for women to have abortions? Which is worse, to abort the foetus or to have the child be born and then throw her into a gutter to die? Our conscience should tell us that the latter, killing a baby after birth with the breath of life, is amore gruesome scenario.
We cannot forget that girls and women are no less valued in the sight of God. Without the female, there would be no procreation, no nurturers to give birth to human life. What would our world be like if there were no girls or women? I imagine it would be an extremely sad dismal place.
We must teach our girls and boys that they’re both equally valuable. Gender doesn’t determine a person’s value as a human being. We must not favour one child over another or give preferential treatment to boys versus girls nor men vs. women. We must love, honour, respect, and support everyone.
Our global responsibility to protect children and women
Each one of us has a responsibility to correct wrongdoings whenever we’re given the opportunity to do so. Otherwise, we’ll continue to allow children and women to not be fully protected by our lack of action, by secrets kept hidden in our families, communities and societies, and by laws or legal systems that we’ve put in place to deal with such matters, which don’t adequately provide full protection of human lives or ensure human rights are respected.
We need to teach girls and women self-defence and marital arts training such as Tae Kwon Do, so they will know what to do should they encounter these kinds of situations. Why not incorporate a “rape prevention” segment, as a part of physical body awareness education courses taught at the Albena Lake Hodge Comprehensive School? How about teaching primary school children and pre-schoolers about what is appropriate touching or feeling?
More importantly, we need to have a strong educational focus teaching boys and men how to respect girls, women and the female body. We can no longer continue to uphold disrespectful behaviour and manners, as we’ve witnessed in elected male leaders and other men in leadership roles. After reading Historian Colville Petty’s account of how women in the Anguilla political arena were treated in the 1990’s,Bringing in the Sheaves re-published in the 1st November 2013 edition of The Anguillian, I recognise that we still have along way to go towards advancing ourselves as a nation of God-conscious, self-respecting people.
Conclusion
If we, as a community, don’t address these critical matters existing in our villages island-wide, then we too can become like global societies where the human rights of children and women are violated everyday. We must ask our selves, “Do we want Anguilla’s culture and society to fall into such disarray?”
We must all be the instruments of change and do whatever we can to move ourselves and Anguilla forward. May Jah continue to healing our souls and help us work towards creating a whole, healthy and sustainable community for all a’ we on Anguilla!
Kay M. Ferguson is a Creative Professional Writer and Editor, who advocates for the protection of children and women against all forms of abusive treatment. To link with Kay, you may call her mobile 1.264.476.8735 or US land line 1.206.388.4848. You cane-mail her atanguillawriter@gmail.com or send an e-message viawww.facebook.com/kaymferguson orwww.linkedin.com/kay-m-ferguson. Tweet her at#@kaykayferguson.
