Are you one of those persons suffering with grief and bereavement? Well you are not alone. Many of us in the community are suffering as well. Losing someone you love, or care deeply about, is extremely painful. During this time, you may experience all kinds of difficult emotions, and it may feel like the pain and sadness you are experiencing will never let up, but it will lessen over time. It is important for you to know that those are normal reactions to a significant loss. But while there is no right or wrong way to grieve, there are healthy ways to cope with the pain that, in time, can renew you and enable you to move on.
Here are some things that you can do to help you during times of bereavement:
1. Form a supportive network – This is an important factor in the healing process. Having the support of others will help you to cope. Sharing your loss makes the burden of grief easier to bear. Even if you are not comfortable talking about your feelings under normal circumstances, it is important to express them when you are grieving. Wherever the support comes from, accept it in gratitude. Connecting to others will help you heal, as it usually brings comfort.
2. Draw comfort from your faith – Sorrow can be the means of bringing us heart-to heart with God. Therefore, embrace the comfort your faith provides. Ask God for the strength and whatever it takes to help you during this period.Engage in spiritual activities that are meaningful to you – such as praying, meditating or going to church. This can offer solace. If you are questioning your faith in the wake of the loss, talk to a pastor/ minister or any member, or others in your religious community. This can prove helpful.
3. Join or form a support group – Grief can feel very lonely, even when you have loved ones around. Sharing your sorrow with others who have experienced similar losses can help.
4. Talk to a Counsellor or a Mental Health Professional– If your grief feels like too much to bear, an experienced person can help you work through intense emotions and overcome obstacles to your grieving.
It is important also to do the following:
• Face your feelings. You can try to suppress your grief, but you cannot avoid it forever. Give yourself permission to cry. In order to heal, you have to acknowledge the pain. Trying to avoid feelings of sadness and loss only prolongs the grieving process. Unresolved grief can also lead to complications such as depression, anxiety, substance abuse, and health problems.
• Express your feelings in a tangible or creative way. Write about your loss in a journal. If you have lost a loved one, write a letter saying the things you never got to say. Make a scrapbook or photo album celebrating the person’s life, or get involved in a cause or organization that was important to him or her.
• Look after your physical health. The mind and body are connected. When you feel good physically, you will also feel better emotionally. Fight the stress and fatigue by getting enough sleep, eating right, and exercising. Don’t use alcohol or drugs to numb the pain of grief or lift your mood artificially.
• Don’t let anyone tell you how to feel, and don’t tell yourself how to feel either. Your grief is your own, and no one else can tell you when it is time to “move on” or “get over it.” Let yourself feel whatever you feel without embarrassment or judgment. It is okay to be angry, but don’t get involved in negative or harmful behaviours.
• Plan ahead for grief “triggers.” Birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, and milestones can reawaken memories and feelings. Be prepared for an emotional outburst, and know that it is completely normal. Finding someone to talk to ahead of time can be beneficial. You can also find ways to honour the loved one at that time.
This poem is dedicated to all those who are mourning at this time:
The Balm Of God’s Love by M.S.Lowndes
When we lose someone we love, the loss seems too great to bear
God sends us friends to comfort us, to show that He deeply cares
But in the dark hours of the night, when there’s nobody else around
When we feel the saddest and loneliest, it’s there God’s love can be found
It’s like a soothing, healing balm, to soothe our broken hearts
The healing oil poured over us, that flows into every part
We can rest secure in God’s love, and know He’s by our side
He holds us when we feel as though, a part of us has died
We can know that God will listen, when we just want to talk
And when we feel we need to cry, we can share it with the Lord
For He is always waiting there, ready with arms open wide
As we pour out the hurt within, he pours His love inside
Our Father above loves us so much, and will never leave us alone
He will not forsake us in our need, to face this on our own
He comforts us and strengthens us, and rubs us with His balm
And as the dawn breaks through the night, we’ll awake in His loving arms.
About the Author: Mrs. Marilyn Hodge owns and operates the Wellness Centre in the Farrington. The Centre offers Counselling Services by Appointment Only. Contact information: 476-3517 or email: marilynb@anguillanet.com
